apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
