I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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