Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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