I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
