Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
