idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
