Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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