: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
