hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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