he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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