people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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