The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
