Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
