Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
we should paint friendship bongs
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize