My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
