Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
