Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I wear drunk well.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
