Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
