You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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