Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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