yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
