Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If that was your dad, he is hot
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
