he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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