I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
