am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
