Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize