She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can you bring me the toilet please
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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