Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
