is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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