did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
