I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
