I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
