Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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