I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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