failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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