I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
