I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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