I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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