Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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