Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
