I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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