I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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