I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
