To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
