new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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