Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
