So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Houston, we have a blender
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
