Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
