I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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