WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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