so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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