Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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