that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
