Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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