M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
