im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
