I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
