i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
