either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
