There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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