His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
