This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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