My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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