My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize