i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
