we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
