surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
