So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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