I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
