I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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