We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
