There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
