wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
