Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize