it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
