Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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