just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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