is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
