ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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