His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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