Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
