You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
