i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
