how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
