Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
