it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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