you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
