I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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