Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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