so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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