Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
