I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
