This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
