My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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