Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
