His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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