if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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