Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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