i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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