I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
