I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
