You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
