Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
