you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Drunk is not a location!
I am available for nakedness
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
